Category Archives: Celebrities

Octomom Birthday Party

Andrea is having a birthday party for her eight children.  It’s less like a party and more like a detention center for people displaced due to a natural disaster. There are Port-a-Potties stationed outside the house and everything is dirty and disorganized. It’s like a war zone.

The party goes late into the night and I decide it’s time to leave. I look for my bag but I’m having trouble finding it. They have luggage carts where everyone’s bags are stored, and I have to dig around in a jumble of other people’s stuff to find mine.

I find the hostess to say goodbye and ask which of the many children has a birthday today. She says that all the kids share the same birthday, and I realize she is the octomom. I realize how sad it would be to grow up one of eight and not even have a birthday of your own.

Identity/Incognito

Scarlett Johannsen comes to me and says that she wants to do an experiment in identity. She wants to try and “go incognito” in a crowd of people.

I help her get dressed and fix her hair so she looks ordinary. The goal is to make her look unrecognizable to people who might meet her on the street.

She goes and stands around in an open courtyard area. After a while people come and talk to her and make casual conversation. One guy talks to her for a while and then goes on his way.

I chase after him and inquire if he would be willing to answer a couple of questions, like it’s a survey. He agrees and I ask him if he recognized that the woman he was talking to was a movie star. He said he did not know that. Then I ask if he recognized Scarlett Johannsen and he was surprised, because he had no idea.

Bumped off a flight going to visit Joe

My dad drives me to the airport where I plan to take a flight to D.C. to visit Joe. When I’m checking in I realize that I don’t have any luggage. I’m holding a disorganized sheaf of papers, and I shove them into my empty backpack. (Where is my laptop?)

When I get to the ticket counter to check in, the gate attendant tells me that the flight is oversold. She checks my reservation and tells me that because I used frequent flyer miles to purchase the ticket, I will be bumped off the flight in favor of paying customers. At this point I notice that my ticket is to Atlanta, and I really want to go to D.C. I ask her what sort of compensation they will provide if I am bumped, and if they will arrange for me to get to D.C. instead. I think that this could work out well for me, as I obviously made a mistake in booking my travel.

I go down a flight of stairs at the airport to go back outside and meet my dad. Walking down the stairs, I pass by Maya Angelou and her entourage. I realize that they are on the flight to Atlanta.

I get into the back seat of my dad’s minivan because my mother is in the front seat. They both drive me home so I can pick up my suitcase.

Cleaning a public park

I’m Hillary Clinton and I’m supposed to clean up a public park that has been left strewn with garbage by Sarah Palin. I go around the park with soldiers to help clean. One of them throws a large metal oil drum at me. When I’m finished cleaning the park, it’s actually a bedroom that’s decorated in a typical middle-American traditional style.

My mother calls me to ask how the process is going. She only asks me “yes or no” questions like “Have you finished picking up the garbage yet?” After a few questions I start to be frustrated that she wants to talk to me, but never asks me anything that I can actually respond to. My replies get shorter and snippier, and finally I tell her I don’t want to talk on the phone anymore because I have work to do.

Disjointed Themes

I’m in a hotel and my father is old and sick. I keep trying to call the front desk for help.

I go into the basement and there is a huge laundry room with dozens of rows of washers and dryers. I start doing my laundry.

I tell a female friend that Jodie Foster is coming over for dinner and she’s excited and nervous.

I start cleaning up and pick up stacks and stacks of newspapers. While I do so I discuss with my friend that I’ve seen a number of plays recently.

I see a woman on the street who says she works for a jewelry store. I ask how much it will cost to have my pearls restrung. She says it will be $30 to $50. I give her the pearls and she puts them in her pocket. Later I think that was dumb because she will steal them.

For the love of god I am dreaming about Powerpoint

I am reviewing a slide presentation with Ed. The slides have a heading at the top and the bottom of the page, and Ed has created an animated circle that moves between the headings to call attention to them. Everyone who reviews the deck agrees that the effect would be nicer if he had used a square instead of a circle. I volunteer to reformat the slides.

I am working in a restaurant or a bar that is crowded with people. It’s hard for me to get it to work because people keep jostling me and I don’t have a mouse. I am frustrated by trying to get it to work the way I imagine it.

The presentation is about Prince, the pop star. He looks radically different in the photos, he’s not as made up and his hair is long. The document includes a lot of information about his charitable activities.

Big Love

I’ve been married into a polygamist Mormon family and I’m trying to escape. The lecherous father keeps coming after me.

I pass by Chloe Sevigny in the hallway and avert my eyes like I don’t know her, and she looks offended. Later I see her again and apologize, saying that I know we’re working on a project together. I explain that I’m a nobody and she’s Chloe Sevigny, a famous actress and international fashion plate. She laughs and we become friends, and we go shopping for hideous clothes at the department store.

Working at Apple

Evan and I are working in-house at Apple. Toby and Anne L. work in the same building as we do and I’m trying to network with them to get advice.

Toby is really helpful to me so I want to send him a token gift. I decide to send one of the Chinese Christmas ornaments I bought last winter. I pull the top off of the globe and wonder if I could stick a joint in there for him as well. But I decide not to and just send the package via interoffice mail.

To mail the gift I go and sit at my “real” desk; I don’t usually sit there because I’m always in meetings. While I’m there I decide to clean up some papers and generally organize things. I find a document about designing Macs that I think is terrible. I try to complain about it to HR but the bureaucrats there don’t understand what I’m talking about.

Michael Eisner (who has some connection to Apple via Disney) takes me to Disneyland to ride on the rides. But they aren’t really Disney theme park rides, they’re more like old-fashioned county fair rides.

I call Anne L and ask her for help with recruiting. We start discussing the recent rise in the stock price, and she makes it sound like she really made a lot of money. While I am on the phone with her, I can also omnisciently see her stock trades. She made about $2800, which is a nice dividend but it’s not like she’s rich.

I put on lipstick so I look nice before one of my meetings. I’m too fat and I can’t squeeze by someone in the hallway and I’m embarrassed.

We have lunch in Steve Jobs’ office. I’m very nervous about meeting him, but no one else is. Lunch is set up on a table in his office, and I am unsure about where to sit. I change places and accidentally drink someone else’s water.

Victoria Beckham

Victoria Beckham moves to Los Angeles with her entourage. In the lunchroom, she is shunned and made fun of  by the other women. They won’t let her sit at their table and they talk about her behind her back. I think that she must have behaved terribly when in London and that she is probably just getting payback for that.

Steve Jobs speech

I’m riding in the Google jet with the founders. Someone is trying to blow the jet up. I get yelled at for using an ad blocker.

Liz is donating some used sweaters, and I try some of them on.

I go to see Steve Jobs speak at a restaurant and bar. Everyone is excited to hear him and solicitous when he arrives. But the man speaking obviously isn’t Steve Jobs, he looks like a blow-dried marketing executive and he isn’t wearing a black turtleneck and blue jeans.

I’m looking at racks of clothing and I try on a denim skirt. The skirt is in a large size and it’s all ripped and frayed around the bottom, and it has some decorations on the front. It’s really not my style. But I tell the woman I’m with that I plan to buy it and she says it’s cute.

Mobile blogging with bloggers and dog

I’m at a conference. I’m surprised how few people actually do mobile blogging.

I’m staying on the same floor as Robert Scoble and Kathy Sierra.

Simon keeps biting my fingers.

Crying Britney

I’m trapped in a room with Britney Spears.
She’s wild and crying whenever someone tries to calm her.

Job at Facebook

A number of former Razorfish people I know have accepted jobs working for Facebook. I’m skeptical that this would be a good move for them, but then I visit the Facebook offices and I realize they might be on to something. Facebook is moving into a new space and I realize that they will soon become something really big like Yahoo or Google. It seems like an opportunity to get in while the company is still young, and I start thinking maybe it would be a good place for me to work.

My mother takes a job working as the executive assistant to Mark Zuckerberg. She’s surprised at how different working for him is from the other jobs she’s had.

Onset Object Model

I’m in Minneapolis working a on a project with David F. The girl I met at MIMA is there to help us.

The room is set up like a party, there’s refrigerated cases with beer and wine. She doesn’t want anyone to drink. I open up some white wine anyway.

She keeps asking about an "Onset Object Model" and whether we have one or not. I don’t really understand what she means.

I’m rearranging the stuff in the office, moving people’s personal belongings and things they will want to take home with them to a different table. I want some more wine.

Jennifer Aniston is there complaining that her hair looks like shit. I tell her that she was Rachel and had the iconic hairstyle of the 90s, in an effort to make her feel better.

The Pope and the Queen

I’m in a large building like a mall, and I want to take the elevator down. Pope John Paul II and Queen Elizabeth are taking the elevator and they won’t let anyone in. I run down a series of ramps and watch the elevator go down. I’m waiting to see them come out when the elevator opens.

Engagement Rings

I’m having dinner with Jeff from "Curb Your Enthusiasm." We’re discussing our relationship and he pulls out an engagement ring and puts it on my right hand. I act all surprised and excited, but really I’m not sure. The ring is hideous, it’s black and reminds me of coal. It has a piece of metal that sticks out over my fingers, making it hard to move them around when I’m wearing it. The diamond is tiny and stuck inside a pocket in the metal. I try to find a way to tell him politely that the ring isn’t my taste, but as I’m talking the ring starts to disintegrate. He apologizes and gets me another ring, this one more traditionally styled, but also with a tiny diamond. But really I’m just unsure if I want to marry him.

I go into my mother’s safe deposit box to find a ring that she used to wear. The safe deposit box has her jewelry drawer in it. It’s guarded by a bitchy asian man who doesn’t want me to take anything, but I tell him it’s my mother’s box and he leaves me alone. I’m looking for a gold ring that has vertical strips of gold down the front. I find a ring that looks similar, until I realize it has roman numerals on the front of it.

I’m walking with my mother and John to do some shopping. My mother is all bundled up in her warmest winter clothes, even though I tell her it’s at least 60 degrees out. She says she’s afraid she’ll get cold. John calls "time and temperature" from his mobile and says it’s 80 degrees.

I ask my mother about the ring. She says the ring I’m wearing was a gift from my grandmother when she graduated from high school. I ask about the other ring and describe it as having "twigs" falling on the front. She says I can have that ring too. I repeat several times that I won’t lose it, but I’m afraid that I will.

I’m unrolling a long piece of sticky paper or plastic. I unroll it across the room to where Harry is, he’s sitting and talking to some friends. I’m trying to keep the plastic from sticking to itself, but it’s difficult because it’s so long.

My Friend Britney

I’m friends with Britney Spears. We hang out together in her mansion. The mansion looks more like a school, with long hallways that have doors with room numbers on them.

Kevin Federline is mean to her. I try to tell her he’s no good for her, but she doesn’t want to hear it.

She’s trying to diet. I tell her to come to Pilates with me.