I can’t find my desk and I spend a long time wandering through all the rooms looking for it. Eventually I find a very dirty room, way in the back, that no one else seems to be using, and I decide to take a desk there. I find Nate and ask him where all my boxes of stuff are, but he’s harried and overwhelmed and can’t help me.

I’m concerned about what we’re going to name the new company. I don’t want all the former Razorfish executives to take over and not give the Bond people a say in the new brand.

I am assigned to work on the JCPenney project. Our work seems to involve digging a large trench and finding artifacts in the dirt. Most of the items have been wrapped in newspaper, and the date on the paper is 1982. My mother is there to help me dig, and I find many pieces from my childhood, like items that used to sit on bookshelves in the basement, or knicknacks from the living room.

I go and meet with a potential client. This client is something like a high-powered PR firm, and all the women who work there are older and somewhat icy and forbidding. They don’t have offices, but instead all the women sit at a long front desk, like a reception area, and greet people there.

The woman I talk to has a 3-D printer at her desk for prototyping. We discuss a project and she prints out a blob of plastic for us to review. I walk down the line of desks and pick up business cards from everyone.

I go back to my house on Prescott Drive and go into the basement. I look up K.V.s blog and realize that I had written him a note on his blog asking if he wanted to get together, and he had replied on the blog so I hadn’t seen it. He had also commented about Tamara’s blog. I write back to him that if he’s interested in plastic flies (like toy rubber houseflies) then I know where to get some.

Then Luke comes down the stairs and I quit working to talk to him.

I am back in high school and am walking between classes across a lawn with a bunch of other students. I see a gold chain lying on the ground and I turn around to go pick it up. Chris E. sees me pick it up and comes over to see what it is. It’s a gold pendant that has the letter “E” monogrammed on it. I suggest that it might belong to Ellen S., but when I show it to her she says it’s not hers. I tell them both that I’m going to give it to Kathy in the office to hold on to in case they find the real owner. I don’t want them to think that I am planning to steal it.

2.

I am at a party after school with a bunch of students and teachers. People are relaxing in an outdoor seating area and everyone is drinking some beer. I have a pot pipe stashed away and I take it out and start smoking pot. Everyone is obviously shocked by this and I can see people pointing and snickering. One of the teachers, Mr. L., comes over and pulls me aside to talk about it. I get really angry and start yelling something about “Richard-fucking-Nixon watching over me!”

3.

I decide to go visit Leigh R. at her home in Minnetonka so I can confront her about how mean she was to me when we were kids. She lives in the same neighborhood as she and her parents did when growing up. When I get there she’s extremely welcoming and very pleasant to talk to. We discuss how our lives are different. She has two boys who are getting close to high-school age now themselves, and she talks about how she and her husband will still be very young when they graduate, and how they will have a whole other life in their 40s and 50s. Her husband is Hawaiian and both the boys have Hawaiian names. I talk to her about my life in NYC and how many women have kids when they are 40, but I think that’s not for me. I compare the size of my kitchen with hers and it’s amazing how much smaller my appliances are. She is taking care of a neighbor’s three kids and we are all sitting together in the kitchen. The kids are very quiet and we read them a story, and I think maybe having young kids is kind of fun.

4.

I am with my mother and father in the parking lot of IHM. The church is burning down but my mother doesn’t notice. My father and I walk around the building to inspect the damage. Most of the building is still standing, but the area overlooking the parking lot is nearly gutted.

He has a high-tech light-up mailbox.

Susie and Jake come to visit me. Jake rides a snowmobile. I try to get them to help me.

I tell them that this family has changed the "Art Department" to the "Department of Pictures." This seems to me to be a deeply condemning accusation and Susie should recognize how terrible they are.

I beg them for help. Susie gets me a key. But I still cannot escape. We try to crawl through some branches that are shaped in a tunnel.

Susie gives me a big wad of gum. Then she takes a go-cart and leaves.

I talk to my mother. She’s my mother in the family but she is not my real mother. She is smoking a cigarette and looking skeptical.

She sets me free.

Conformist.

I am asked to review samples of the clothing line on racks. The clothes are both urban/street wear and girly at the same time. I look at a pinafore styled dress, and at a pair of sandals that are pink and green and seem to be made out of rubber.

I really like some of the clothing and I ask my client if I can buy some of it it. She says I have to call in the order.
We go over to a phone bank that is made up of old rotary dial phones. They are all black phones, some are from the 40s like the phone that was in the sewing room when I was a child, and some are newer but still black rotary phones.

I’m nervous after I place the order that the clothes will be very expensive. They do wind up to be more than $200.

At the client location there is a rally for the Reverend Al Sharpton to be president. My client attacks him and tries to strangle him with a telephone cord.

I am nervous about biking through the city and especially about riding in traffic. But after a while I get the hang of it and am able to get through the traffic. It’s a beautiful fall day and it is exhilarating to move so quickly down the streets on my own power.

I meet Vincent for lunch at a little cafe. I encourage him to eat something but he seems uneasy, like he needs to get out of there. He says he has to get back to his kids.

I’m visiting my childhood skating rink. I walk down to the end of Prescott Drive and realize how close it is. The layout of the rink has expanded and the hockey rink is gone. There isn’t any water in the pond and the skating rink area seems to extend all the way up toward the school. I see animals roaming around and some are threatening — there’s a squirrel and a wolf that I’m afraid of. The wolf comes after me.

Someone has bought the land that the skating rink is on and is building a house there. The new house will appear in Cool Hunting. I go back to the office and I read something in CH about the design of the house.

We’re giving tours of our offices/apartments. My desk from my apartment at home is at the office. After the tours I notice that all my spare change from my change jar has been stolen. I feel irresponsible for having left it in there, I should have known better.

I’m standing at the wardrobe my mother had when I was a child. I’m folding sweaters and putting them in piles categorized by color.

I go into my mother’s safe deposit box to find a ring that she used to wear. The safe deposit box has her jewelry drawer in it. It’s guarded by a bitchy asian man who doesn’t want me to take anything, but I tell him it’s my mother’s box and he leaves me alone. I’m looking for a gold ring that has vertical strips of gold down the front. I find a ring that looks similar, until I realize it has roman numerals on the front of it.

I’m walking with my mother and John to do some shopping. My mother is all bundled up in her warmest winter clothes, even though I tell her it’s at least 60 degrees out. She says she’s afraid she’ll get cold. John calls "time and temperature" from his mobile and says it’s 80 degrees.

I ask my mother about the ring. She says the ring I’m wearing was a gift from my grandmother when she graduated from high school. I ask about the other ring and describe it as having "twigs" falling on the front. She says I can have that ring too. I repeat several times that I won’t lose it, but I’m afraid that I will.

I’m unrolling a long piece of sticky paper or plastic. I unroll it across the room to where Harry is, he’s sitting and talking to some friends. I’m trying to keep the plastic from sticking to itself, but it’s difficult because it’s so long.

I say that as long as we’re in the neighborhood I want to go see my old house on Prescott Drive. As we’re walking we see a commercial being shot on a lawn on Crown Street. There are a bunch of animals in cages (lots of rabbits) and cameras and a crew.

When we get to my old house I walk around peering in the windows. The house looks very different on the inside, much more modern. I discuss with Josh and this kid whether it would be okay for me to ask to look around inside. Josh thinks it’s all right and says I should let him do the talking.

The new owner comes to the door, he’s on crutches and is a southeast Asian man in his 50s. I tell him I think about this house all the time and it would mean a lot to me if I could look around. I’m almost in tears I want to go in so badly. He says it’s fine  if we come in. I gesture at Josh and the kid and say they don’t have to come in if he doesn’t want everyone traipsing through, but he lets them in.

Inside the house is very different, it is like they’ve completely remodeled. The living room has been split in two, and one part has been made into another bedroom, and the other part has been connected to the kitchen. So the kitchen is much larger and has a counter island and a wood burning fireplace. The newly-created bedroom belongs to the man’s elderly mother.

I walk around the kitchen trying to get my bearings. It’s hard to do because the walls are so different, as well as the finishes. I try to find the spot on the wall where the yellow telephone was hung.

Andy and Sarah are going to live in the apartment in the back. I am happy for them because I think it’s a good deal.

The garage at the house in Chanhassen is also being converted into apartments.

I try to tell my father that the garages have become really valuable, but then I realize I can’t talk to my father about anything from the past.

Then I go to a sale in someone’s apartment. Everything is for sale, I think because she’s dead. People are swarming over the stuff for sale. I see some shoes that I like, but I can’t go back later for anything because people have bought up all the items.

Joy and I are supposed to visit my church from growing up, Immaculate Heart of Mary. My father has died and we are supposed to attend his funeral.

I visit my mother in our backyard on Prescott Drive. I am happy and excited. I tell her that my dad is dead and now she can move to the city.

Then I feel terrible because I realize that I wanted my father to die. I made this happen.

He has some other friends who don’t like me. In particular, there’s a woman with long dark hair who clearly despises me. When I meet her for the first time, I snicker at her, and she sees me and gets pissed. Later, I won’t acknowledge that I’ve done anything that would make her dislike me.

This man is going out with his friends, this woman included, and I decline to go with them.

It’s a story in a book. It’s my grandmother. He has to pray with her. She’s very religious. He has to pray the story in the book every day and he hates it.

I look in the book to see the other stories, to see who the other stories are written by. I try to show him the other stories in the book.

I tell him that the authors of the other stories are all prominent members of a school called "Connecticut Realism."

We visit a shop that sells uniforms. All the clothes are displayed on mannequins and are sold in plastic packages.

I see a beautiful cashmere top and pants. I try to buy it, but the actual clothing in the packages is much cheaper fabric.

I call a taxi and am getting ready to leave my childhood home on Prescott Drive. I’m gathering up my things, but it’s taking a long time. I’m gathering my things into my purse in the kitchen. When the taxi arrives I’m still not ready and I motion for it to wait. The taxi driver is a woman.

I go to a Christmas party. My mother is there. I bring Bob A. as my date. I say hello to some people. The party is really boring so I decide to go wander around.

I’m walking down the street of a city. I stop in a McDonalds. I see Tod eating with his friends and I flee before he can see me. He’s going to a show. I think he’s disgusting.

I walk back to the party on a path through some woods. When I arrive I say hello to my family, and my uncle Dave and aunt Carole.

I live in NY, and a friend is going to get a new apartment in the East Village. She likes it because it has original tile and moldings. I think maybe I should move for a change of pace, that moving would make me more stable.

I feel overwhelmed by how powerless I feel to change my situation or my behavior.

I want to get a baseball signed by a favorite player. The player tells me that it’s his favorite ball. It’s all lumpy and I try to take the leather off.

I’m driving around and trying to find a place to park, but I can’t drive very well. I’m in an old car with the shifter on the steering column. I’m driving towards my grandmother’s house. The road to her house is a much bigger freeway and I’m having trouble driving and turning around.