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Category Archives: Death

Super Mario

I’m playing a live-action version of Super Mario Bros, with me in the title role as Mario. The game actually seems pretty easy and I get through a few levels. Then I jump on the roof of a small house and slide off, losing a life. The trick is that parts of the roof have bricks at the edges, so Mario doesn’t fall off. The way to get around it is to jump so that you slide and get caught by the bricks.

Late for a Meeting

I have a meeting at 10am, and I’m a bit anxious about making it there on time. I dont want to be late.

When I wake up, though, I learn that I have to go to a funeral for Evan’s mother. It is a bit unusual, though, because she isn’t actually dead. She decided that she wanted to have her funeral while she was still alive, so that she could enjoy the party. People whisper and gossip about this, because they think it’s inappropriate to attend your own funeral.

The funeral is lavish and there’s lots of different food. But I’m constantly checking my watch because I know I need to get to my meeting. I call the person I’m supposed to be meeting with at 10:30 and explain I’m at a funeral. Then I wonder why I didn’t just do that in the first place.

People Die

My aunt tells me that my father has been killed in a car accident. I am shocked and devastated, but I also have the vague sense that I expected something like this would happen. The last time I saw my father, I said goodbye to him, and I felt like I let him know how much I loved him.

I am dating a man and his mother tells me he has been killed in an accident. I am heartbroken. He appears later and I am shocked that he is still alive. I tell him that I was led to believe he was dead, and he replies that sounds like something his mother would do. I tell him that’s sick.

Disjointed Themes

I’m in a hotel and my father is old and sick. I keep trying to call the front desk for help.

I go into the basement and there is a huge laundry room with dozens of rows of washers and dryers. I start doing my laundry.

I tell a female friend that Jodie Foster is coming over for dinner and she’s excited and nervous.

I start cleaning up and pick up stacks and stacks of newspapers. While I do so I discuss with my friend that I’ve seen a number of plays recently.

I see a woman on the street who says she works for a jewelry store. I ask how much it will cost to have my pearls restrung. She says it will be $30 to $50. I give her the pearls and she puts them in her pocket. Later I think that was dumb because she will steal them.

Coffee Shop + Bic Pens + Abortion

I’m living in MInneapolis and I walk to work through streets lined with little shops. I stop to buy coffee at a place I’ve never been to before. I order an iced coffee and pay for it.

As I’m leaving the cashier comes over and says that I haven’t paid enough money. I become extremely irritated with her and make a big show of getting more money out of my purse. I dump everything out of my wallet onto the counter and start counting out dimes and nickels to give to her.

When she asks me why I’m so annoyed, I get really embarrassed. I tell her in a soft voice that I’m pregnant. She can’t hear what I’m saying and she asks me to repeat myself, and so I say it again in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear. People turn around and seem shocked. I’m so humiliated by this that I grab a few quarters and hand them to her, and then grab my stuff and dash out of the shop.

When I get to work I have an RFP for Bic pens to work on. My office is in a big cubicle farm and I wander among the cubicles to get to the office supply area so I can get some different Bic pens and pencils. I return to my office and make an appointment at the doctor for that afternoon so I can have an abortion.

I walk through the hallways to go visit the doctor. Along the way I run into a man who I know from the past, maybe someone I knew in high school. I’m too focused on getting to my doctor’s appointment to talk to him, even though he repeatedly tries to engage me in conversation.

When I get to the doctor’s office the receptionist tells me that my appointment time isn’t until much later in the afternoon. I get agitated and ask her if there’s any way she can fit me in earlier. I am eager to get this over with.

To kill some time before my appointment I go next door to a cafeteria. The guy who I ran into in the hallway earlier is in there having lunch, and I have to talk to him anyway. But it’s difficult for me to find anything to talk about, since I can only think about how badly I want to have an abortion and I don’t want to tell him that.

Visiting Africa

I am attending a funeral for Harry’s father. I don’t want anyone to see me so I hide in the back, and then I step outside and mill around in the lobby. Outside the actual funeral service there are a number of stations set up with food and drink. I think that Jewish funerals are surprisingly well-catered. I start drinking some kind of vodka and orange juice drink, and I try to hide the fact that I’m getting drunk when people start to come out.

I visit Africa to see how my donations to Kiva.org are being used. I’m walking through the airport and trying to figure out where I’m supposed to go. I have a folder of information about the donations that use charts and graphs. I show the folder to Scott and he makes fun of it, saying something like "well, I can tell from these charts that there’s money involved." I tell him that makes me feel bad, because the work I’m trying to do in Africa is important to me. I am treated very well by all the people I talk to.

Campus Job

I am a student and I have a new job on campus. I go into the cafeteria where people have set out some cookies and coffee for snacks. Paying for these is on the honor system, so the cafeteria has set out plastic tubs where you’re supposed to put your money. I put $1.25 into a tub for a biscuit. Then I decide that I want a different cookie that only costs $1.00. I go back to the plastic tub to get my quarter back, but I look around while I’m doing it, worried that someone will see me and think I am stealing.

Above the snacks there is a big signboard. It’s like an old-fashioned chalkboard, with two long legs connecting a large area for notices. I accidentally bump the sign but I catch it before it falls over. I try to steady the sign but I can’t do it. The signboard doesn’t have any horizontal supports on the legs, so I am trying to balance the whole thing on the vertical bars of wood, which aren’t very wide. When I look up at the board, I realize that the sign itself isn’t solid. The board is rippling with movement, so as I am trying to steady the bottom, the top is still in motion, almost like a flag. A gruff older man comes over and shows me that I have to push a small button at the bottom of one of the legs to make the sign steady itself. The button is like a tiny metal pushbutton, not much bigger than a pencil lead. Once that button is pushed the sign becomes rigid and I can balance it on the legs. The man says that steadying that sign is something I’ll need to be able to do on my own if I want to keep working there.

I’m waiting with four friends by the elevator. One of them is getting married to Suzanne Vega. The elevator isn’t working so we discuss some alternate routes. We’re trying to make our way through the space, but there’s a sense that it’s dangerous. One of the boys I’m with falls down a hole, and I think he’s dead.

I’m driving around in a van with a couple of people. We’re talking about negotiating a contract. There is one section that we keep reviewing over and over that doesn’t make sense. It has something to do with candy bars and french fries. The driver pulls into a parking lot and I tell her to try and hide the van where we won’t be seen. I think that if we can wait for other people to leave, then we’ll be able to figure out what the contract says.

Video Game Reincarnation

I am moving repeatedly through a space. I have the sensation that at various points I cease to exist and then am reawakened. After this happens several times it occurs to me that what’s happening is that I am a character in a video game, and I’m dying and then reappearing. I don’t have any sensation of pain or that I am being killed, just that as I am moving around the board, I eventually stop existing and then start existing again.

I fear that I will eventually learn that I am already in a body that I like and want. I don’t fear dying, what I fear is being reincarnated from a body that I liked.

Suicide

I’m supposed to commit suicide. I’m in my grandmother’s bathroom and there’s a grainy brownish clump of stuff I’m supposed to take that will kill me. I’m torn about whether I should take it or not. I know I’m expected to. I eventually decide not to and it makes everybody happy, even though I feel like I’m cheating.

Then I go to a sale in someone’s apartment. Everything is for sale, I think because she’s dead. People are swarming over the stuff for sale. I see some shoes that I like, but I can’t go back later for anything because people have bought up all the items.

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