Category Archives: Ex-Boyfriends

Plastics make it possible

I go over to visit Luke and his son. I have some work to do and he is babysitting.

I go and meet with a potential client. This client is something like a high-powered PR firm, and all the women who work there are older and somewhat icy and forbidding. They don’t have offices, but instead all the women sit at a long front desk, like a reception area, and greet people there.

The woman I talk to has a 3-D printer at her desk for prototyping. We discuss a project and she prints out a blob of plastic for us to review. I walk down the line of desks and pick up business cards from everyone.

I go back to my house on Prescott Drive and go into the basement. I look up K.V.s blog and realize that I had written him a note on his blog asking if he wanted to get together, and he had replied on the blog so I hadn’t seen it. He had also commented about Tamara’s blog. I write back to him that if he’s interested in plastic flies (like toy rubber houseflies) then I know where to get some.

Then Luke comes down the stairs and I quit working to talk to him.

A New Pope

Tod is the new pope. Apparently the papacy is now on a 4-year election cycle. Scott was the pope previously, but now they have elected Tod as the new pope.

I can’t help but think standards for the pontiff have declined.

St. Paul

I am driving in a car with Bob. I tell him I want to go to a record store in St. Paul, but I can’t remember the name of it. I’m wracking my brain trying to think of the name, it’s on the tip of my tongue, but it always eludes me. I’m frustrated and a little bit embarrassed that I can’t remember it. I feel uncool. We got to McDonald’s for lunch, which is kind of gross.

Then I’m in a bookstore in St. Paul with my mother and Harry. I have a feeling like this is the place I was trying to remember earlier.

Visiting Africa

I am attending a funeral for Harry’s father. I don’t want anyone to see me so I hide in the back, and then I step outside and mill around in the lobby. Outside the actual funeral service there are a number of stations set up with food and drink. I think that Jewish funerals are surprisingly well-catered. I start drinking some kind of vodka and orange juice drink, and I try to hide the fact that I’m getting drunk when people start to come out.

I visit Africa to see how my donations to Kiva.org are being used. I’m walking through the airport and trying to figure out where I’m supposed to go. I have a folder of information about the donations that use charts and graphs. I show the folder to Scott and he makes fun of it, saying something like "well, I can tell from these charts that there’s money involved." I tell him that makes me feel bad, because the work I’m trying to do in Africa is important to me. I am treated very well by all the people I talk to.

A Christmas Story

I’m playing Sorry with Jai and he is cheating. Harry and Helen join us later. I am upset.

I have a smoothie maker. I mix up a chocolate shake and it overflows the machine and gets all over the counter.

Jai has a baby, he is pregnant and the baby is due in December, around Christmas. He makes Helen the godmother. I’m jealous. I think neither of them knows how to raise a baby.

Diet Coke

I’m in the ladies room at a club or a gym, like a locker room at a university student center.

I want to buy a Diet Coke. Despite the fact that there are lots of stacks of Diet Coke everywhere I can’t seem to buy one. I don’t have the proper coupon and they’re not cold.

I’m driving with a woman and Jonathan. Jonathan is talking about his new girlfriend. I’m very angry and I tell him I don’t need to hear about her.

I describe something called "Minder Living."

I take his documents and start cutting the edges in a paper cutter.

Doctor’s Office/Antique Store

I’m waiting in a large doctor’s office waiting room. The practice seems to have many different check-in counters on one floor, each for a different specialty. Hyo recommended this clinic to me and I’m afraid I’ll run into her in the waiting room.

The waiting room is also a store that sells antique and vintage housewares. There are many areas or rooms that focus on different types of home items, and these areas are integrated with the reception areas for the doctor’s office. I visit the doctor multiple times and have the experience of walking through the store many times.

On one visit I’m there with Scott. He’s really cheerful about what he’s doing there or what we’re looking for.

On another visit I’m there with my father. We’re browsing through an area that sells antique benches and booths. My father points one out to me that is in the same style as something we had when I was young. It’s brown leather or fabric and has brass rivets and some other decoration on the edges.

There is a guide or a radio program that informs people about changes in the waiting room/store. One of the segments covers the parking lot. It says that even though there is a whole section of handicapped parking, one of the spots in that section is a regular (not handicapped) space so people should look for it.

Riding the bus with my father

I’m riding a bus in Minneapolis with my father. It’s cold and the streets are snowy. We take a strange route that goes up a one way street and then doubles back on another one. In my dream the street is Lyndale Ave. (but it isn’t really.)

Then I’m riding the bus with Scott and trying to explain to him how the bus route goes. I can see it on a map and we’re actually driving it.

I’m trying to make plans with Mike S. via text message to see an upcoming show. I tell him the names of the bands and the dates.

Coffee Dates at the Mall

I’m in a mall where there’s a big McDonalds with about 8 or 10 lines that are all at least 6 people deep. I’m on a date at the mall and we go out for expensive coffee drinks. I like the guy well enough. He says the next time we go out we’ll have coffee at McDonalds. While we’re standing there talking I see Harry waiting in line out of the corner of my eye — I feel a shock of recognition. My date asks who I’m looking at and I decide I don’t want to get into it, so I say I thought I saw someone I know.

The next night I go out on a date with someone different, but we’re in the mall again. We’re standing overlooking a railing on the mezzanine. My date notices my hearing aids and then shows me that he has them too. He pulls one out and I comment that we wear the same brand. He passes it to me and tells me to be careful, but I just laugh and say I know not to drop it. And I don’t. I can feel myself falling in love with him, I want to be with him so badly.

My date comes from a large family and I go to meet all of them. One of his sisters is getting married. It’s chaotic, people everywhere, all grabbing and laughing and yelling. I wonder if I can marry into this family because I don’t have siblings. Bob Lord is helping me clean up in the kitchen, it’s a huge mess. We’re talking about people making video resumes, he tells me that’s how everyone applies for jobs now. I say I’ll never get a job again because I could never make a video about myself. Bob and I are very friendly, there’s no awkwardness. I have all my cosmetics in a plastic zip-lock bag, and I’m afraid I’m going to lose it. The father in the family comes through and tells us to throw out everything that’s unnecessary.

Dating a single father

I’m with Helen and we’re going to go trick-or-treating or somehow out on Halloween. I don’t have a costume. I look around in a suitcase and I’m trying to find something to wear. I’m afraid I’m going to be cold.

Scott appears twice in the same issue of the New York Times magazine, once in a shorter note about Squidfartz and once in a longer article. I want to tell him about the articles, but when I go back later I can only find one of them.

I’m dating a very tall bald man. We’re having dinner and he tells me that he has a young child. His wife abandoned him and the baby, and now he’s caring for it alone. His wife had a drug problem and he said she did a lot of coke and ecstasy. I feel uncomfortable about dating someone with a child to care for. Specifically, I wonder how he can be out with me in the evening, and who is caring for the child.

Jumping

I’m in a hotel suite or apartment with Zachary. He can leap into the air and go to a different level, almost like a video game. He can put his arm around me and take me with him.

It’s scary at first but it’s also romantic. After a while I’m not so scared. I don’t clutch onto him so much, he just puts his arm around me and up we go. We keep going higher.

Cheating on a sofa

I’m in a big hotel or convention center. There’s a man there I’m attracted to. We start making out in public on a sofa. It’s very passionate.

Jonathan sees us and I feel terrible that I’ve been cheating.

Someone asks us why we had to act that way in public, why not just get a room? I answer that I didn’t want to cross a line.

I’m still excited by the feeling of being with someone new.

Cheating

I’m with Scott at his home in Illinois. Teanna comes and finds us there. It’s uncomfortable because it seems like I’m cheating.

Anxiety about moving forward

I ask my mother and another woman (like an aunt) if I should get pregnant. They slowly nod their heads and agree that I should.

I’m walking through a mall, trying to find how to get upstairs to the second level.

I’m with Harry and my mother trying to get onboard a plane. Harry gets on ahead of us, and then my mother and I can’t board.

My adopted daughter

Jonathan and I are traveling through India or China. We get married. At the hotel, they replace the old, worn-out carpet in our room with new carpet in honor of our wedding.

We decide to adopt a child. Andrea comes to help us. She gets us a girl baby and tells us the child’s name is "Lucas Samaha." I laugh and say that I can’t have a daughter that’s named after my high school boyfriend, because all my friends will think it’s weird and make fun of me.

Sometimes a salami is just a salami

I’m with Erin. Pablo is bigger, like 4 years old. Also, Pablo is a girl. We’re all in a room, hanging out.

I’m in a convenience store. Luke is there.

We’re buying food. All the food is salami and baguettes. There are all different variations on this theme, but all the food is basically sausages and loaves of bread.

I want to buy some and make a sandwich. But I am embarrassed to be seen buying this food because salami is not healthy.

Bar games

I’m with Scott. I have a sick feeling that he’s cheating on me. He’s lying to me. There’s a party at a roadside bar. He’s off drinking beer and partying.

There’s an arcade game that has a skeleton head. I’m trying to program the game and substitute one thing for another in the display.

Cheating/Surveillance

I am married to Harry again, but either he is cheating on me or I am cheating on him.

We are sneaking around, trying to get away with something.

There are DVDs and I am supposed to watch something or record something.

The Man

I’m staying in a dorm or some other educational facility. There’s a man who’s associated with the government or the military.

He says he has vacation time but he has nowhere to go, so instead he’s going to Iraq.

I’m attracted to him, but I feel guilty that I’m cheating on Jonathan.

From McDonald’s to path in the woods

Pete and I are play-fighting with small toy light sabers. Mine is pink and his is blue.

I call a taxi and am getting ready to leave my childhood home on Prescott Drive. I’m gathering up my things, but it’s taking a long time. I’m gathering my things into my purse in the kitchen. When the taxi arrives I’m still not ready and I motion for it to wait. The taxi driver is a woman.

I go to a Christmas party. My mother is there. I bring Bob A. as my date. I say hello to some people. The party is really boring so I decide to go wander around.

I’m walking down the street of a city. I stop in a McDonalds. I see Tod eating with his friends and I flee before he can see me. He’s going to a show. I think he’s disgusting.

I walk back to the party on a path through some woods. When I arrive I say hello to my family, and my uncle Dave and aunt Carole.

Training a dog with chocolate

I’m in a grocery store. I’m in a hospital. I can’t tell if I’m a mental patient who can’t get out or if I’m just visiting.

I’m having an argument with Ethan.

I’m training a dog with treats. I’m looking for a treat to give the dog that isn’t chocolate. I find a lot of muffins and brownies on the refrigerator, but they all have chocolate in them.

Forgotten birthday

I am supposed to be taking care of some plants, but I don’t water them and one dies. Several others are very thirsty and I can see them wilting.

I buy some candy and it’s very expensive. A piece of hard candy and a flower costs $50.

I forget Jonathan’s birthday. In my dream it’s July 3. I decide to give him the candy.

Four themes

JP tells me not to call or work with Evan.

Tanya goes on a crash diet and I tell her it’s not healthy. But she looks good and I’m jealous.

Jonathan introduces me to Mehera. She looks very familiar and I tell her so.

Someone (a monster?) is supposed to be painting and gets blue paint all over the wall. It colors all the books blue.

Sinister amusement park

I’m walking around a sinister indoor amusement park with a man I’m dating. It’s like the Manhattan Mall or the Skyway Theater in Minneapolis. It has red and orange carpet. There’s a movie theater that’s on a higher floor and we need to take an elevator to get there. I have the feeling that it’s dangerous, sleazy. There are tourists trying to find their way around.

We walk among the rides and talk about our relationship. He’s distant and I question to myself what I want to get out of the relationship and what I expect to get. I feel uncomfortable about drugs, like maybe he’s smoking pot.

We walk back to the entrance. I go digging through a pile of trash and find a beautiful wrought iron Christmas tree. I have to brush my teeth and I go walking through the park to find a drinking fountain. When I find one, I let a family with kids go before me, and then other people in line go in front of me too, and I’m annoyed at their presumptiveness.

On the way back to the man I run into Harry. I recognize his eyes. We hug and he seems happy to see me, and I tell him I’ve missed him.

Fighting with my mother

I’m married to Harry again or we’re spending time together. My mother calls and she’s irrational, angry. She rants at me for a long time. She takes offense at my tone. I think she’s crazy, and I’m worried about her. But I’m also pissed off that she’s acting this way.

She hangs up on me and I call her back. We fight some more and then I hang up on her. I don’t call her back. I hate the feeling of being disconnected from her. I call my former therapist. Dr S, to discuss what happened.