Category Archives: WTF

In which I develop an affection for someone I don’t particularly like

I get invited to a party by someone I don’t like. This unnamed person (the UP) seems to be throwing a large party and I’m one of many on the guest list. I don’t want to go, but I also don’t want to be rude and just ignore the invite, so I send a text message saying that I can’t make the party.

The UP calls me and somehow persuades me to attend. I say that I can come but that I’ll have to bring my dog. Soon I appear at the UP’s apartment. The apartment is lovely and spacious. My dog immediately curls up and goes to sleep, and I’m surprised that she feels so comfortable in the space.

I’m the only person there, and the UP is friendly and generous. I’m offered a slice of cake, and when I say that I think it’s delicious, half the cake is wrapped up for me to take home. As we walk around talking, various other offers are extended, like suggestions to get together in the future or recommendations for places I might like to go.

I notice a framed photo sitting on a shelf. It’s a strange image, as it’s of a large crowd of people and the photo is quite blurry. Still, I think I can see myself and some of my friends in the photo. It looks like it was taken about 25 years ago. I express my surprise and confusion about this photo, and the UP says that it came from a family member. The UP’s father was a photographer.

I start to feel bad because I’m the only person at the party. Then another person that I don’t know appears from the other room; he had been taking a nap in the bedroom. We all stand around in the kitchen talking, and I realize that I’m having a good time.

If I have to go over this one more time, I’ll kill myself

I am working in a recycling factory. There are hundreds or thousands of containers for recycled materials, filled with empty bottles or cardboard or glass. To move around the facility and get to the containers, I stand on a series of conveyor belts. The belts go around and around, taking me through well-worn paths of cast-off items.

I have a knife — like a small sword, really — that I plan to use to kill myself. I’m hiding it under my jacket as I travel along the conveyor belt. I run into someone else on the belt who is pregnant. She tells me that she should get to use the sword first, and I give it to her, and watch her cut herself open.

Cassette Tape

I try to purchase a cassette tape onto which I plan to record some songs for my co-workers. At first, I select a high-quality tape, which comes in a blue package. Then I consider buying a lesser quality, cheaper tape in a red package. I show the tape to one of my colleagues for his opinion.

Sarah Palin is a Marxist

I decide to make a website to educate the people of Alaska that taxing oil companies and redistributing the wealth to the citizens is a Marxist economic policy. I try to register the doman “SarahPalinisaMarxist.com” but it has already been claimed by the Alaska government. I make three Wikipedia-style pages for the site. The first is a page about Karl Marx, the second discusses some of the key principles of Marxist Socialsim, and the third explains how Sarah Palin’s policies are similar to Marx. The highlight of the site is an animated GIF that morphs Marx’s face into Palin’s.

The Old Fashioned Way

Work for an advertising agency
On a bad client
Make mistakes
Pain in the ass
Change directions
Fight with a friend
Gives away my yogurt
Trying to help
But can’t help
Has to be done
The old-fashioned way

Leela

There’s a new girl named Leela. She’s very beautiful and the boys are really into her.

She throws a party at a bar. She sends an old-fashioned paper invitation in the mail.

She has blonde hair, fair skin, and wears bright red lipstick. She sits on a barstool in the middle of the floor.

Attention needs to resume on the freezing point of water in beverages.

I give her Google searches on the subject.

We’re supposed to move, pick up and out of the bar.

Monkeys

Jim Jarmusch
LA Strip Malls
Monkeys
Page 1 book on organization — no monkeys

April Birthdays

Remembering Leigh R. has a birthday on April 2
I know a lot of people with April birthdays
Making amends and psychological intervention
I’m not into it
I think people fuck themselves up

Activities are easy to plan

This is my third apartment with the same back yard area.
I found a psychologist who helps you pick activities.
It’s easy to plan.

Unfinished apartment

I live in an enormous loft space with a floor made of rough, unfinished planks. I’m supposed to move to a new space that’s more finished.

Broken red wine glass

Mom and John’s wedding
Taking a trip in a cartoon car
Having a broken red wine glass in a plastic bag

Paths and Alignment

process
travel via train (visually represented on a map)
kevin’s commentary

nice framing of a photograph, like digital assembly of elements that were pre-determined to align
like sets on a stage

Haiku

Mattress shopping
Home-made chapstick (a rolled piece of cardboard with Vaseline)
Jessica Simpson

Framed peacocks

I’m in London. I have the framed miniature painting I bought in India of the peacocks. I decide I want to turn it into a nightlight. I tear open the framed picture. Inside, the peacocks aren’t painted on bone or plastic as I expect, they are just layers of tissue paper. I keep digging through all the paper trying to find the peacocks.

Bailey

A page from a magazine, like a column in New York Magazine. A drawing of a guy named Bailey and a diagram showing how he wears his collar up and his jacket hung over his shoulders. Very 80s.

Convertible off a cliff

Driving in a convertible
There’s a surprise ending
My romantic interest is unmasked as a monster
We’re going over a cliff