The UP calls me and somehow persuades me to attend. I say that I can come but that I’ll have to bring my dog. Soon I appear at the UP’s apartment. The apartment is lovely and spacious. My dog immediately curls up and goes to sleep, and I’m surprised that she feels so comfortable in the space.

I’m the only person there, and the UP is friendly and generous. I’m offered a slice of cake, and when I say that I think it’s delicious, half the cake is wrapped up for me to take home. As we walk around talking, various other offers are extended, like suggestions to get together in the future or recommendations for places I might like to go.

I notice a framed photo sitting on a shelf. It’s a strange image, as it’s of a large crowd of people and the photo is quite blurry. Still, I think I can see myself and some of my friends in the photo. It looks like it was taken about 25 years ago. I express my surprise and confusion about this photo, and the UP says that it came from a family member. The UP’s father was a photographer.

I start to feel bad because I’m the only person at the party. Then another person that I don’t know appears from the other room; he had been taking a nap in the bedroom. We all stand around in the kitchen talking, and I realize that I’m having a good time.

When I arrive at SxSW I go down to the hotel lobby to wait for some friends. I bring with me a bed pillow that I hold by the edge of the pillowcase, and I carry a pair of tan boots in my other hand. (I’m wearing shoes.) Sitting in the lobby as people start to arrive, I realize that this whole pillow-and-boots combo is going to be a bit awkward to carry around with me all day. I make some excuses to run back up to my room so I can drop them off.

My room is actually in a cabin on the edge of the event space. To get there I have to walk across a beach, which is where all the events will be held. The weather is warm and sunny, and I think “this is a great place to hold a conference.”

The cabins where I’m staying are in the woods on the edge of a fairground. The fairground is a bit seedy, like a combination of gas stations, trailers, and improperly maintained carnival rides. I stop in a gas station convenience store to pick up a few items, one of which is a pink dildo. (If you must know, it was rubbery.)

I use the dildo as a pointer during my talk, beating it against the table when I want to make a point. Very effective!

I take my items up to the register and hand the salesclerk my wallet. She rings up a very large dollar amount and I express my surprise; I know the items I’ve selected don’t cost that much. She shows me that she’s rung up a whole list of items that appear on a receipt in my wallet. I explain to her that I’m not buying those items today, and point out the date on the receipt. It’s nearly a year old.

Once I’ve resolved that issue and have some pants on, I go to my meeting. My job is to construct a train. There are some train pieces made out of wood. I add some additional cars by taking pieces of cantaloupe and melon that are in the fruit salad provided as a snack for the meeting.

I’m miffed that I haven’t been asked to give a speech. I get up to walk out of the room and the speaker calls down to me and asks if I’d like to speak. I act condescending and say that I’m too busy. Later, as I’m watching people talk, I wonder why I said that. I should have just admitted that I wanted to talk. But it seems like it’s too late.

I set out boxes of thank you cards on a table at the side of the conference. They have the Bond logo on them. I encourage people to take a card and write a thank-you note to someone they want to give thanks to.

Later, I am working on a project with Friedman. I want to make changes to something on a website but I can’t figure out how. He comes over and shows me the edit link. It’s too small to see.

When I get off the train I go home. I’m supposed to attend an event or a party and it’s important that I arrive on time. I’m running late and I realize I don’t have any makeup on. In a hurry, I go to the bathroom and dump powder on my face. I wind up with huge white splotches all over my face, and I try to wipe them off. This process doesn’t save me any time. I look at the clock and see that I’m 20 minutes late already, and resign myself to the fact that I won’t arrive on time.

When I get there, I’m walking around a strange event space, it’s sort of like a store and sort of like an amusement part. I am carrying a silver metal hand weight (shake weight?) I realize that one of the metal end pieces has fallen off. My immediate concern is that something from inside the weight will now fall out.

When the mover arrives he says that we can’t just pile our stuff on the beds, everything has to be packed in suitcases or boxes. I look at the new bunk beds and realize they’re too small—you wouldn’t be able to sit up if you were in the bottom bunk. I say that we’ll have to return the new beds and find better ones.

I make an announcement to the entire group about this. I tell everyone I have two things to tell them: 1) they have to pack their stuff and 2) we need to buy new beds. While I’m talking, someone comes up and interrupts me between points one and two. I get annoyed since it’s clear I’m still talking, and I’m nervous about people’s response.

Everyone is upset but instead of complaining about packing, they complain about the fact that they moved out of their parents’ homes. Everyone agrees that living with their parents was much better than this. They all glare at me like it’s my fault. I feel responsible, like it’s because of me that they can’t go home again.

My mother says that Jeff is the doctor who delivered me when I was born. She says we was a very good doctor and he did a fine job. When we see Jeff and try to talk to him about it, he says he doesn’t remember being a doctor and doesn’t think he ever did that.

I meet up with my faceless groom and he’s wearing khaki pants and a polo shirt. Evan asks him “you couldn’t even wear a real shirt?” We look around a store trying to find him some better pants and a button-down white shirt.

Once I’ve gotten him settled trying on clothes, I run across the street to another store to try on some makeup. I realize that in all the excitement around finding clothes for my groom that I haven’t put any makeup on.

Afterwards, Diana comes up to me and says that Michael wants to talk to me, but she really means Ryan. When I go over to say hello to him, he’s bald.

Then a group of us go out to eat at a diner. It’s an old-fashioned diner restaurant that serves burgers and shakes. The menu is printed on a sign on the wall, and they don’t have printed menus. I try to place my order with the waitress, but while I’m doing so they start changing the signs, like it’s a McDonald’s changing from breakfast to lunch. I tell her what I want from what I remember. My dining companions place their orders and make a point of saying they want to order items from the Dollar Menu. I ask them to clarify what’s on the Dollar Menu, because I didn’t see that.

He decides he likes the picture as well and wants it put on a t-shirt of his own. He sends it off to have a t-shirt printed. When he gets the shirt back they have not simply printed the picture on it, but rather have printed the entire email on the shirt.

A representative from the t-shirt company shows up to give him a demo of his new shirt. While he’s wearing it she points out some of its key features, including the email text and then the picture he asked to be printed on it, which unfortunately was cut off at the bottom of the shirt.

(In response to hearing this dream, Friedman says “your dream was basically the whole premise of Cakewrecks.”)

A station has been set up with gymnastics rings, and a bunch of people are standing around waiting for their turn to try. I watch people, but it looks hard. The girl in front of me in line can’t do them at all, and she gets very upset and decides to leave. I feel embarrassed for her, but also I’m worried for myself, because I know I’m up next and I don’t think I can do them either. I know I have tried doing this exercise before but wasn’t successful.

I look around through some of the Christmas decorations and find some light blue cardboard hooks. I remember that I can use these to grab onto the rings, and this will make it easier.

The party goes late into the night and I decide it’s time to leave. I look for my bag but I’m having trouble finding it. They have luggage carts where everyone’s bags are stored, and I have to dig around in a jumble of other people’s stuff to find mine.

I find the hostess to say goodbye and ask which of the many children has a birthday today. She says that all the kids share the same birthday, and I realize she is the octomom. I realize how sad it would be to grow up one of eight and not even have a birthday of your own.

When I wake up, though, I learn that I have to go to a funeral for Evan’s mother. It is a bit unusual, though, because she isn’t actually dead. She decided that she wanted to have her funeral while she was still alive, so that she could enjoy the party. People whisper and gossip about this, because they think it’s inappropriate to attend your own funeral.

The funeral is lavish and there’s lots of different food. But I’m constantly checking my watch because I know I need to get to my meeting. I call the person I’m supposed to be meeting with at 10:30 and explain I’m at a funeral. Then I wonder why I didn’t just do that in the first place.

The following morning we get in the car and drive, but instead of getting breakfast, we stop at a store on the side of the road. Inside, all of my grandmother’s things have been arranged like it’s a store, and my family members are going through them all, looking for things they want. My mother tells me that I should look through her belongings and select some things that I want.

There are many beautiful things in there and I want to spend some time looking through them all carefully. But my mother is impatient because she’s already been through the items and she doesn’t want to stand around. I feel anxious and pressured to choose things quickly. I’m trying to find some items that I can remember my grandmother by.

I have a knife — like a small sword, really — that I plan to use to kill myself. I’m hiding it under my jacket as I travel along the conveyor belt. I run into someone else on the belt who is pregnant. She tells me that she should get to use the sword first, and I give it to her, and watch her cut herself open.

I help her get dressed and fix her hair so she looks ordinary. The goal is to make her look unrecognizable to people who might meet her on the street.

She goes and stands around in an open courtyard area. After a while people come and talk to her and make casual conversation. One guy talks to her for a while and then goes on his way.

I chase after him and inquire if he would be willing to answer a couple of questions, like it’s a survey. He agrees and I ask him if he recognized that the woman he was talking to was a movie star. He said he did not know that. Then I ask if he recognized Scarlett Johannsen and he was surprised, because he had no idea.

As a result, we are concerned about rogue agents going back into the past, getting lost or feeling isolated, and then taking actions that would damage the timelne. We are trying to develop a way for people in the past to communicate with us in the present. We’re exploring options like having them carve messages into stones in caves.

I test out the system by going short distances back in time and sending messages to the future. When I’m in the past I run into past-Friedman who has no idea what’s going on and keeps asking what I’m doing. I tell him I’m from the future but that isn’t a satisfactory explanation to him.

I am taking care of an elderly Chinese woman. At the party, someone tells me have to get home as quickly as possible because there is something wrong with her. I need to take a handkerchief or a Kleenex and very gently dab around her eyes. Someone shows me how to do this.

Later, I meet a man and we walk through the streets of a dark city to a convenience store. We pick out some items from the store and then sit on the curb outside.

I walk down the hill past picnic tables. It’s warm and sunny out. I walk for a ways through a park, then decide it’s time to head back home.

I see that I can cut through a path across a college campus to get home. As I’m walking, I come across a staircase that will take me up to a skyway. I start to climb the stairs but discover that they’re folded up as a security measure, and I slide back down. As I’m standing there looking at them (and marveling that they close up) the steps fold down so I can climb them. I take this as an invitation and begin to ascend.

As soon as I make it to the top of the stairs, an alarm sounds and the stairs close up again. A gate comes down from the ceiling and I am trapped inside the skyway.

When I get to the ticket counter to check in, the gate attendant tells me that the flight is oversold. She checks my reservation and tells me that because I used frequent flyer miles to purchase the ticket, I will be bumped off the flight in favor of paying customers. At this point I notice that my ticket is to Atlanta, and I really want to go to D.C. I ask her what sort of compensation they will provide if I am bumped, and if they will arrange for me to get to D.C. instead. I think that this could work out well for me, as I obviously made a mistake in booking my travel.

I go down a flight of stairs at the airport to go back outside and meet my dad. Walking down the stairs, I pass by Maya Angelou and her entourage. I realize that they are on the flight to Atlanta.

I get into the back seat of my dad’s minivan because my mother is in the front seat. They both drive me home so I can pick up my suitcase.

My mother calls me to ask how the process is going. She only asks me “yes or no” questions like “Have you finished picking up the garbage yet?” After a few questions I start to be frustrated that she wants to talk to me, but never asks me anything that I can actually respond to. My replies get shorter and snippier, and finally I tell her I don’t want to talk on the phone anymore because I have work to do.

Josh is up at the front of the room, discussing ideas for the site with the rest of the students. At a certain point I become alarmed because people are talking about ideas that I don’t agree with and aren’t what I’m envisioning for the site. I decide to go up to the front and share what I’ve been working on. When I review my sketches I try to find the one that is closest to what I’m imagining, but they’re all not quite right.

At the front of the room, Josh and I are seated behind a black panel with windows cut into it. From the perspective of the students, it looks like the teacher is talking to them directly, but behind the scrim we can talk privately, consult our notes, and even have snacks. Josh has a nearly full bottle of vodka and some sandwiches back there, and I help myself.

The students are getting quite agitated about our plans for the website. I can’t quite tell if they’re in junior high, college, or even if they’re young employees of Bond. They are shouting and arguing with both me and Josh. He’s pretty calm but I get increasingly frustrated. I yell back at them that their ideas are too boring an ordinary. I tell them that if they don’t understand why our vision is right for Bond, then maybe the problem is that they are not a good fit.

This makes them very upset and they decide to protest. The entire third row stands up and lights cigarettes. While they smoke, I call down to the main office to ask for help from security. The secretary in the office sounds bored and tells me they can’t really help solve this problem.

He buys her nine different presents. Instead of wrapping each one up and watching her open them, he makes a video of the gifts and posts it on YouTube. When I ask him why he didn’t just give her the presents, he says that isn’t necessary anymore, and this new way is better.

The rooms are not numbered in sequence, and each room has two numbers. The first is a regular 3-digit number, but the second is a 6-digit number, like 62-2324. I know what room I’m looking for, but all the rooms have a very similar combination of numbers, so it’s difficult to determine at a glance which room is the correct one.

The hotel has posters and display cases for medical objects and paraphernalia. Near my hotel room there is a poster that shows a man from three different angles: front, side, and a three-quarter view. The differentiating thing about this man (and I assume the reason he’s been captured on a poster) is that on first glance he appears to have a faux-hawk, but upon closer inspection one realizes that he has a vagina on his head.

As I navigate through the corridors I try to find this poster again, both because I know it is near my hotel room, and also because I want to point it out to my traveling companions.

I can’t find my desk and I spend a long time wandering through all the rooms looking for it. Eventually I find a very dirty room, way in the back, that no one else seems to be using, and I decide to take a desk there. I find Nate and ask him where all my boxes of stuff are, but he’s harried and overwhelmed and can’t help me.

I’m concerned about what we’re going to name the new company. I don’t want all the former Razorfish executives to take over and not give the Bond people a say in the new brand.

I am assigned to work on the JCPenney project. Our work seems to involve digging a large trench and finding artifacts in the dirt. Most of the items have been wrapped in newspaper, and the date on the paper is 1982. My mother is there to help me dig, and I find many pieces from my childhood, like items that used to sit on bookshelves in the basement, or knicknacks from the living room.

I’m talking to Kristina about how I first became an IA. I feel a sense of urgency, like I need her to understand how and when I started working, but I’m also embarrassed, as if I think it’s unseemly to call too much attention to myself.

We have stacks of books that we have to take back to the library. I ask Susie, Jake, and Randy for help. They are annoyed at the inconvenience. They make fun of Kristina’s enthusiasm for what she’s doing.

Then I’m in a grocery store, it’s like a Dean and Deluca, with prepared foods and kitchen supplies for sale, but very large. I head to the back of the store because I want to buy an apron. I pick out a red apron that has racist iconongraphy, like cartoon representations of black people, but they’re so tiny as to be invisible to the naked eye. I also pick out a blue apron. The rack that holds the aprons is long, like the entire width of the store, and there must be hundreds of aprons to choose from.

When I try to remove them from the rack and take them to the register, an alarm sounds. The rack has an electionic sensor with a screen, and it shows me that I’ve done something wrong and security is on the way. I wait around for the security officers to come, but I’m bored and not worried because I know I didn’t do anything wrong.

My mother comes to meet up with me and we browse around while we wait. Finally the security guards arrive and they confirm that I can take the aprons to the register.

I’m going through and formatting all the post titles. Josh T sits next to me and tells me that I should hit cmd-B to make the text bold, and I’m insulted that he thought he needed to tell me that. Then Mira has some new ideas for how it should be designed, and we have to reformat it all again.

Outside, Anne has prepared a picnic with food she says that her father made. It’s all really delicious: roasted chicken, greens, chocolate cake. We’re all sticking together because we’re afraid. She points at the trees and says she can see a creature that’s alive and moving towards us, like a ghost. The rest of us all turn to look at the trees, but no one can see it and we say we don’t believe her. Still, everyone is on edge.

We take a group picture, and Sputnik puts her head up so she can be in the photo too. I walk over and sit next to her.

I am dating a man and his mother tells me he has been killed in an accident. I am heartbroken. He appears later and I am shocked that he is still alive. I tell him that I was led to believe he was dead, and he replies that sounds like something his mother would do. I tell him that’s sick.

Sleep on It: How Snoozing Makes You Smarter: Scientific American

The man’s mother finds out that he’s given me the ring, and she gets angry at him.

Aries (3/21-4/19)

Sharing your dreams with other people might seem like a good way to figure out the puzzling images you saw, but you have to watch your audience carefully. Are they really interested in what you have to say? It’s better to let these odd visions just stew around in your head than to bore friends with the symbolism of your inner mind. This is not a good time to talk too much about yourself — what is important to you is not always important to the people you’re talking to.

• A class with Lee O. that takes place outside. I walk across the lawn with him, and we’re joined by Chad and Andy P.
• A lingerie class. We only study pieces made of silk.
• A course in rugs which I take with my mother. We study pieces of fabrics in different colors to learn more about patterns and weaves.
• A Weight Watchers class which is at the wrong time.

I go and meet with a potential client. This client is something like a high-powered PR firm, and all the women who work there are older and somewhat icy and forbidding. They don’t have offices, but instead all the women sit at a long front desk, like a reception area, and greet people there.

The woman I talk to has a 3-D printer at her desk for prototyping. We discuss a project and she prints out a blob of plastic for us to review. I walk down the line of desks and pick up business cards from everyone.

I go back to my house on Prescott Drive and go into the basement. I look up K.V.s blog and realize that I had written him a note on his blog asking if he wanted to get together, and he had replied on the blog so I hadn’t seen it. He had also commented about Tamara’s blog. I write back to him that if he’s interested in plastic flies (like toy rubber houseflies) then I know where to get some.

Then Luke comes down the stairs and I quit working to talk to him.

I go back and visit him on Sunday. This time he has a different boyfriend. He claims this boyfriend is really the one for him and he will be with him forever. I tell him point blank that there is no way this can be true, since he just broke up with someone else. He ignores me and I can tell he doesn’t want to listen to me.

They adopt a baby girl from Korea. I am shocked and disturbed that they would expect to care for a baby when they are obviously not that stable. Jai tells me that having a baby will confer legitimacy on his relationship. They ignore the baby once she arrives and go out to eat at restaurants.

I’m walking around the warehouse and a couple of policemen show up with a giant Great Dane. The dog comes over and bites my head, basically engulfing my whole head in its slobbery mouth. It drools. The cops tell me to stay calm so they can get the dog to stop biting me.

I go into the basement and there is a huge laundry room with dozens of rows of washers and dryers. I start doing my laundry.

I tell a female friend that Jodie Foster is coming over for dinner and she’s excited and nervous.

I start cleaning up and pick up stacks and stacks of newspapers. While I do so I discuss with my friend that I’ve seen a number of plays recently.

I see a woman on the street who says she works for a jewelry store. I ask how much it will cost to have my pearls restrung. She says it will be $30 to $50. I give her the pearls and she puts them in her pocket. Later I think that was dumb because she will steal them.

I go up to present and it takes me a long time to pull up the wireframes I need to show. A big group of people is watching me and I’m embarrassed that I don’t have anything to present.

I start presenting by saying that I worked with Disney nearly ten years ago and at the time they really didn’t understand what wireframes were. I had to educate people about how they fit into the development process.

Today, they’re using wireframes but I’m concerned that they’re not being used to focus on the right things. I show an example of a wireframe that looks like a designed page, with all sorts of images and shading in the background, except it’s in black and white. I try to explain that wireframes should really be used to help focus the discussion on the interaction model and the architecture, and should not try to replicate the desired visual design at a lower fidelity.

I go and gather up a bunch of my stuff like some books and a bag. I’m standing around outside while Friedman goes and gets a refund for our tickets. While I’m waiting a bus pulls up and I get on.

The bus starts driving toward the airport and the bus driver announces that they have a new direct flight to MInneapolis. I become very anxious because I think that the bus is going to Minneapolis and I have no way to tell Friedman where I am. I ask the man in a suit sitting next to me if this is really an airplane and he says no, this is just a bus that is going to a different neighborhood. While I’m talking to him the bottom of my shoe brushes his pant leg and gets dirt on him, and he yells at me to be more careful as he brushes it off.

I’m still worried that I don’t have any way to tell Friedman where I am. I start digging through my bag trying to find a cell phone. There are two phones in there but neither of them work, and anyway I don’t know his number. Both of the phones are cheap gray plastic, like old Startacs.

Later, Evan, Josh and I decide to have a party. I walk around saying hi to everyone I know. I go downstairs to the bar, and the Indian woman who lives on my floor is working as the bartender. I ask her if she has rosé and she gives me a glass. I go back upstairs and I see that the drink machine isn’t working. It’s supposed to be making frozen margaritas but there isn’t any ice. I start dumping ice into the machine, but it’s incredibly loud and gets ice all over everything, like handfuls of crushed ice are coming out in clumps from the back of the machine. When Evan comes over I tell him that since we’re in San Francisco we should have invited Shane to the party, and he just laughs.

When I arrive at Elliott’s he gives me a tour of the new apartment. We start in the kitchen which opens onto a small room with two loveseats in it. The couches are old and kind of beat up, and even without a coffee table they fill the room. Now I know what Alex meant when he said the living room was in the kitchen. To get to the next room we have to crawl through a small door in the wall. Elliott says that this is a holdover from when the building was a grain mill.

The next room is large and open with very high ceilings and views out onto the city. The room is so large that there is a small wading pool in the middle of it. Two large dining tables provide an enormous amount of seating, I hang out there for a while and eventually a few other people, including Kevin, show up. Kevin doesn’t talk to anyone and just texts the whole time, and I wonder why he even bothered to come.

I return to Elliott’s apartment later and my entire family shows up too. It’s all my aunts and uncles from both sides of the family, and we take over the entire apartment. On this visit there is a door cut between the main room and the kitchen (much better) and the sofas have been taken out so the small room next to the kitchen can function as an entry foyer/mud room.

Gram is there and says she is taking care of new baby Max. The baby has dark hair and dark eyes and I can’t tell who he belongs to. I want to ask if we don’t already have another kid named Max in the family, but I am embarrassed to ask because I think I should know who his parents are.

At the end of the party everyone comes over to say goodbye to me and thank me for inviting them all. I tell Elliott he is a real saint for agreeing to have my entire family over, and I give him a hug.

I drive home through streets with a thick sheet of ice on them. The car slips and slides across the lanes.

When I get home I frantically pick out some clothes to wear. I have a whole closet full of pants and sweaters in different colors, but it’s hard to pick out new combinations that match with my shoes, and I wind up wearing the same things all the time. I choose a couple of different outfits and race back to the airport.

When I arrive at the airport I check my watch; it’s about 5:45 and the flight leaves at 6:05. I dash down a long hallway, like in a hotel, and get to a junction where I need to follow the signs to my gate. The sign pointing to Gate 6 leads to a door, and when I open it I see that I have to go down a long flight of stairs. I look around to see if maybe I’ve gotten the directions wrong, but it turns out I have to drag my bag down the stairs with me. I’m super annoyed about this.

I return to the gate and ask if I can still check my bag before the flight leaves. There is another man in line ahead of me and he’s still checking in. His last name is McGrane too even though I’ve never seen him before. When I hand over my frequent flyer card to the gate agent he looks at it and says it doesn’t look any different from the card belonging to this stranger. I respond “It isn’t, except the name.”

I am back in high school and am walking between classes across a lawn with a bunch of other students. I see a gold chain lying on the ground and I turn around to go pick it up. Chris E. sees me pick it up and comes over to see what it is. It’s a gold pendant that has the letter “E” monogrammed on it. I suggest that it might belong to Ellen S., but when I show it to her she says it’s not hers. I tell them both that I’m going to give it to Kathy in the office to hold on to in case they find the real owner. I don’t want them to think that I am planning to steal it.

2.

I am at a party after school with a bunch of students and teachers. People are relaxing in an outdoor seating area and everyone is drinking some beer. I have a pot pipe stashed away and I take it out and start smoking pot. Everyone is obviously shocked by this and I can see people pointing and snickering. One of the teachers, Mr. L., comes over and pulls me aside to talk about it. I get really angry and start yelling something about “Richard-fucking-Nixon watching over me!”

3.

I decide to go visit Leigh R. at her home in Minnetonka so I can confront her about how mean she was to me when we were kids. She lives in the same neighborhood as she and her parents did when growing up. When I get there she’s extremely welcoming and very pleasant to talk to. We discuss how our lives are different. She has two boys who are getting close to high-school age now themselves, and she talks about how she and her husband will still be very young when they graduate, and how they will have a whole other life in their 40s and 50s. Her husband is Hawaiian and both the boys have Hawaiian names. I talk to her about my life in NYC and how many women have kids when they are 40, but I think that’s not for me. I compare the size of my kitchen with hers and it’s amazing how much smaller my appliances are. She is taking care of a neighbor’s three kids and we are all sitting together in the kitchen. The kids are very quiet and we read them a story, and I think maybe having young kids is kind of fun.

4.

I am with my mother and father in the parking lot of IHM. The church is burning down but my mother doesn’t notice. My father and I walk around the building to inspect the damage. Most of the building is still standing, but the area overlooking the parking lot is nearly gutted.

As I’m leaving the cashier comes over and says that I haven’t paid enough money. I become extremely irritated with her and make a big show of getting more money out of my purse. I dump everything out of my wallet onto the counter and start counting out dimes and nickels to give to her.

When she asks me why I’m so annoyed, I get really embarrassed. I tell her in a soft voice that I’m pregnant. She can’t hear what I’m saying and she asks me to repeat myself, and so I say it again in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear. People turn around and seem shocked. I’m so humiliated by this that I grab a few quarters and hand them to her, and then grab my stuff and dash out of the shop.

When I get to work I have an RFP for Bic pens to work on. My office is in a big cubicle farm and I wander among the cubicles to get to the office supply area so I can get some different Bic pens and pencils. I return to my office and make an appointment at the doctor for that afternoon so I can have an abortion.

I walk through the hallways to go visit the doctor. Along the way I run into a man who I know from the past, maybe someone I knew in high school. I’m too focused on getting to my doctor’s appointment to talk to him, even though he repeatedly tries to engage me in conversation.

When I get to the doctor’s office the receptionist tells me that my appointment time isn’t until much later in the afternoon. I get agitated and ask her if there’s any way she can fit me in earlier. I am eager to get this over with.

To kill some time before my appointment I go next door to a cafeteria. The guy who I ran into in the hallway earlier is in there having lunch, and I have to talk to him anyway. But it’s difficult for me to find anything to talk about, since I can only think about how badly I want to have an abortion and I don’t want to tell him that.

Tim brings me an elaborate sculpture that is black and red and gold. I think it’s a hair ornament or a belt buckle but it’s really too large to be either. I hold the sculpted metal up against myself to show that it is too large for my hair.

The next day I go back and meet some other people in the office. There is a tall Scandinavian man working in the office and I flirt with him. He flirts back and says he thinks he might want to marry me. Turns out he is already married to an Asian woman and they have an infant. I sit with them in the cafeteria and hold the baby for her.

When I’m ready to go home I go over to the subway. The station is attached to a shopping mall and is served by a couple of different lines. I get on the N train but it is going the wrong direction, and I wind up at the end of the line. I go to look at the map and realize how far out I am. I try to plan my trip but I can’t figure out if the N/R/Q or the B/D/F will get me home faster.

The company is supposed to provide transportation but my Metrocard either isn’t working or they’re expecting me to use my personal card. I call someone in customer service and she’s rude to me and then hangs up on me. I stare at the time on my phone, shocked that she just hung up. When I call back she is angry with me in return. She says I should just use the Metrocard that I have and it won’t be a problem.

Next I’m supposed to file an affidavit about a car being stolen. It seems like Sherri has asked me to help with this or it’s her car that is missing. As I am going through the files I come across a statement from Neil implicating me in the car theft. I look around to try and staple the documents together but none of the staplers are working and I have to use a paperclip.

There’s a store they’ve set up at the exit to the house where you can buy their cast-off items. I rummage through some goods along with a few other women, but we all agree the prices are too high. I am embarrassed that they want us to buy their used stuff.

I go to lunch with their family in a big library. I’m asked to go and pull a book by Tom Wolfe off the shelf. But I can’t find the book, I can only find photocopied sections of his books. I bring back a stack of these photocopies to the table, but I’m horribly embarrassed. The father condemns me for not bringing the book back.

I am working in a restaurant or a bar that is crowded with people. It’s hard for me to get it to work because people keep jostling me and I don’t have a mouse. I am frustrated by trying to get it to work the way I imagine it.

The presentation is about Prince, the pop star. He looks radically different in the photos, he’s not as made up and his hair is long. The document includes a lot of information about his charitable activities.

Then the game turns sinister. I wind up trapped in the space with people who are trying to kill me. I have a family and there is another family that we’re in combat with. I try to steal some medical supplies from a pharmacy, like I need some gauze and tape.

I’m having lunch in the cafeteria with an asian woman. Her boyfriend is a strapping Minnesota blonde. He proposes to her with a ring of small pale blue stones. I’m really happy for them but she’s not happy about the proposal. I take the ring and put it on my own finger. I’m wearing my wedding band and another ring that is a larger diamond. I experiment with how they should be positioned on my finger and decide that the new ring looks best on the inside, even though I should technically wear my wedding band on the inside, closest to my heart.

I find an ancient manual typewriter that prints in an elaborate cursive script. I want to use it to communicate with Jai. I think that if I can type what I want to say to him, he will listen.

Jai and I are driving in a car around campus, looking for a place to park. I ask him what is wrong and why I haven’t heard from him in so long. He gives me a number of lame excuses and I don’t really accept any of them. I finally tell him that I think what he did was wrong and I’m really hurt, and I think I deserve an apology. After a while he yells at me and says that no apology is forthcoming. I get really angry and get out of the car, slam the door, and storm off.

I have to walk around to find a way to get home. I see a sign directing me to the “Steppe” stop on the New Jersey PATH train.

I can’t help but think standards for the pontiff have declined.

We all go down into the basement to play a card game. The game is something like Tarot but it uses normal playing cards. Everyone is dealt a large number of cards (it uses several decks) and then each player announces how many of each number he or she has. We all go around the circle in order, saying how many 4s or how many 7s we have. They seem to think they can make judgments about my character or personality based on these cards.

At the end of the game we all share the “face card” we’ve been dealt. Mine is “Aleister Crowley.” They all remark on how interesting this is. The father of the family offers to take me someplace.

I cannot believe that the boys have grown up so fast. It seems like it hardly took any time at all for them to leave home. I think that raising children maybe isn’t so difficult after all. I also think I’m going crazy because there’s no way those boys can be so old.

Most people are in the party area with the dance floor, which is dark like a club. I go to the left and enter the cafeteria, which is pretty much exactly like a high school cafeteria with long low tables with benches. People are waiting in line to order pizza.

I run into Susie and we decide to get something to eat. She orders a pizza and then I order another one. It seems like we’re going to have too much food. I see the pizza that someone else ordered and it’s exactly like school-cafeteria pizza, all orange and greasy.

I remember that Susie has another kid and I check to see if she is pregnant or not. She isn’t so I ask if she had another baby and she said she had a girl and her name is Antoinette. I feel bad that I didn’t even know she had another baby.

I am staying in a dorm that is not unlike a hotel, with a large grand lobby and security that checks your ID before you get to the elevators. I go back to my room and I fear I have lost my keys. I go to the college bookstore and start looking around for them. I am reorganizing the book bags and backpacks when a salesclerk comes over to help me. I tell her I am looking for my keys.

I get a small knife for my keychain. It is just like the Cryovac penknives my father used to have, but it’s only about an inch long. I get it because they will let me take it through airport security.

I run into the young dean at the bookstore and he takes me back to my dorm in his car. He’s not quite sure where to go and he makes a wrong turn. We drive down a residential street with tiny houses on it. They are shaped like normal houses with shutters and a roof, but they appear to be only one small room. He says he doesn’t understand why students would live in a dorm room when they could have their own home.

I tell him I keep a blog on the internet where I write down all my dreams. He seems surprised and interested so I give him the address.

I pass by Chloe Sevigny in the hallway and avert my eyes like I don’t know her, and she looks offended. Later I see her again and apologize, saying that I know we’re working on a project together. I explain that I’m a nobody and she’s Chloe Sevigny, a famous actress and international fashion plate. She laughs and we become friends, and we go shopping for hideous clothes at the department store.

We decide to get manicures at the party. There is a whole outdoor area that is set up like a spa, with places to sit in hot tubs and have your nails done. There is also a table where some gaudy looking earrings are for sale. We learn that the earrings were made by Swedish people, and I comment that they aren’t worth what they’re charging but the labor costs are high.

We leave to take the train home. When I get to the turnstile I realize I don’t have my wallet, so I ask to borrow Josh’s Metrocard. The subway station is huge and cavernous, more like the hallways in a sports arena. I look at the signs and realize I can take the 7 train to the east side instead of taking the 1 downtown and then walking over.

The 7 is deep underground, and to take the stairs down seems like it would take forever. I notice an elevator with two rough-looking workmen in it. The door is closing and I race to catch it, but I miss it. I push on the elevator button to see if I can get it to open again, but they’re gone. In retrospect I am relieved because I would have felt unsafe riding the elevator with them. When the elevator returns I take it down to the platform level.

When the train comes I get on the same car with the workmen from the elevator. I strike up a conversation with them and rest my foot on the seat suggestively. The subway cars are ancient, like from the early 20th century.

There is a large group of people from the Middle East or East Asia on the train. One of them appears to be a king or a man of high status. A handler comes over and asks us politely if we will move because the car we’re in is reserved for the king. I get very angry and shout at her that this is a public conveyance, open to all.

When I get home my father is very angry about the fact that they house is dirty. He is mopping the floor furiously. I take the mop away from him and take over the cleaning job. He tells me I need to accept that I know better, that I know how to do better than this.

I go to visit him out there and we go to dinner in a restaurant. There seem to be a number of restaurants on the ground floor of the building, like a hotel. My mother and grandmother join us for dinner.

My mother and grandmother point out that another guest of the restaurant is my cousin. He is standing in line with a few other people, including a woman that seems to be his girlfriend. I go over to introduce myself and we give hugs hello. We have a friendly and animated conversation and agree that we should meet again soon. I give him a hug goodbye that goes on a bit too long, and then a kiss on the cheek which seems somehow inappropriate because he’s my cousin. I give a hug goodbye to his girlfriend and she seems nonplussed.

I return to the table so we can order. I look at the menu and choose a salad that is quite inexpensive, like $4, and I wonder if it will be enough to eat. My mother suggests that we share an order of beef rolls. These seem to be a specialty of the restaurant and they have all different kinds. They have one that is like a beef and cabbage roll, and another that is Moroccan style with raisins. I want to order the “pizza style” roll, which is basically a piece of beef that has been dressed with toppings and cheese like a pizza and then rolled up. I am pretty sure my mother won’t want to order this, but I ask her anyway. While she is reviewing the choices the lights in the restaurant go out so she can’t see the menu.

I am planning to catch a flight to Los Angeles and I say that I will pick up some jewelry for my mother while I’m there. She describes what’s she’s looking for; she wants gold rings with semi-precious gems like moonstones in them. I decide to take a shower before I leave, and the shower is in the middle of the room, with a round curtain enclosing it.

As I’m about to begin showering, a number of groups of people start coming in and out of the room, and I feel uncomfortable about using the shower in the middle of it all. It seems that people are coming from overseas for a competition that maybe has something to do with all the art my mother owns.

A group of young women arrive and they seem like the “mean girls” to me. They are making nasty and insulting comments about some of the other contestants, particularly about other young women who are not as cool as they are. Then an older south asian man arrives and they are particularly cruel to him.

Then I’m in a bookstore in St. Paul with my mother and Harry. I have a feeling like this is the place I was trying to remember earlier.

I do a load of laundry, but I only put one or two undergarments in the machine. When I come back later, they have been removed from the washer and put into the dryer. I think my father moved them.

A young boy about 5 or 6 is walking through the apartment with his father. He is very well-dressed and wearing expensive sneakers. I talk briefly to the father and then realize it’s time for me to go. I notice the boy has disappeared and I keep an eye out for him as I’m leaving.

As I reach the exit, I notice that the boy is in the bathroom, and he motions for me to come and help him. I’m a little hesitant, but he makes it seem urgent. The boy has pooped in his pants and needs me to help him clean it up. I tell him that his father will come down and deal with it, but he insists that he needs my help immediately, and that all I have to do is take the poop out. His pants are lying on the floor and I walk over to inspect them. I grab some tissues and remove the feces and flush them down the toilet.

Toby is really helpful to me so I want to send him a token gift. I decide to send one of the Chinese Christmas ornaments I bought last winter. I pull the top off of the globe and wonder if I could stick a joint in there for him as well. But I decide not to and just send the package via interoffice mail.

To mail the gift I go and sit at my “real” desk; I don’t usually sit there because I’m always in meetings. While I’m there I decide to clean up some papers and generally organize things. I find a document about designing Macs that I think is terrible. I try to complain about it to HR but the bureaucrats there don’t understand what I’m talking about.

Michael Eisner (who has some connection to Apple via Disney) takes me to Disneyland to ride on the rides. But they aren’t really Disney theme park rides, they’re more like old-fashioned county fair rides.

I call Anne L and ask her for help with recruiting. We start discussing the recent rise in the stock price, and she makes it sound like she really made a lot of money. While I am on the phone with her, I can also omnisciently see her stock trades. She made about $2800, which is a nice dividend but it’s not like she’s rich.

I put on lipstick so I look nice before one of my meetings. I’m too fat and I can’t squeeze by someone in the hallway and I’m embarrassed.

We have lunch in Steve Jobs’ office. I’m very nervous about meeting him, but no one else is. Lunch is set up on a table in his office, and I am unsure about where to sit. I change places and accidentally drink someone else’s water.

There is a class at the U of M that somehow deals with this client or covers a related subject, and so it is decided that I should take the class. The class is very large and takes place in a big lecture hall. The instructor is a middle-aged woman with dark hair and glasses.

I turn in my final paper and receive a grade of "D." I’m very upset by this, and embarrassed that my work colleagues will see that I got a bad grade. I speak to the instructor and try to explain that the work I was doing for my client was different from what she expected from the final paper. What I want is for her to let me submit one of my presentation decks as additional work and maybe that will raise my grade.

Afterwards, a party for the whole class has been planned. We walk outside to go check it out. As we walk I bump into a college girl who’s walking in a pack, and we have words about the incident. I ask her "if it would be possible to walk through here without getting rudely bumped into." She accuses me of being a stupid college kid. When I respond that I’m not in college, I’m 35, she and her friends jeer at me.

I get to the restaurant where the party is taking place. When I arrive, only a blonde-haired guy and Susie are there with me. The restaurant has set a long table for us to sit at. Susie and the guy sit down next to each other, and I want to sit in the middle between them, but instead I take my place at Susie’s left.

Another student from class arrives, an older Asian man. He’s drunk and yelling at the entrance. I go over to try and get him to leave. He grabs me and kisses me, and as we stand there he tries to force himself on me. I struggle to cry out for help but I cannot make my voice work.

Sherri says she is moving her family from Seattle to San Francisco. We are browsing through shops and moving between spaces. We sit in a large group in a circle with a bunch of other people, in a space that might be a cafe but it seems more like a children’s store. My chair ricochets out of place and I slam into someone else, almost like bumper cars. I apologize profusely as I’m sure it hurt to be hit like that.

Ellen S. has a very young child and then gives birth to twins less than a year later. She must have gotten pregnant again immediately after giving birth to the first. I wonder how she and her husband are going to care for three children who are all infants.

I run out of money and I need to go to the ATM. When I go I have to take out a loan. I am left with the understanding that this is all the money that will be available to me, there isn’t any more. While I’m anxious about that, I’m also strangely relieved.

Scientists have known for 50 years that the brain handles short- and long-term memories in different ways.

Now researchers in Boston are contributing to a growing understanding of the role of sleep in transforming memory.

I’m driving in a car with a native american man as my chauffeur. All of  a sudden a truck explodes in another lane and a million shards of metal come streaming towards us, and I duck.

I go to my 20th high school reunion. I greet people I know and give everyone hugs. The reunion is held outside in a grassy area with picnic tables, but there are also indoor spots where you can buy things.

I say hello to Steve L. and we walk around and talk to each other. We stop and say hello to Sherri and I give her a hug, but then keep walking. I am drinking a vodka soda. Steve and I go inside for a bit but then decide to go back out because he wants to introduce me to his wife.

I leave my drink behind and then realize it too late. When I decide I want to purchase another drink I realize I have also left my purse behind. I tell Steve that I will catch up to him and his wife later, and he walks off across the grass to meet her.

I go back in to where I left my purse and look for it. Inside I meet a handicapped couple who are misshapen and deformed. I hug them hello too, even though I don’t recognize them.

He has a high-tech light-up mailbox.

Susie and Jake come to visit me. Jake rides a snowmobile. I try to get them to help me.

I tell them that this family has changed the "Art Department" to the "Department of Pictures." This seems to me to be a deeply condemning accusation and Susie should recognize how terrible they are.

I beg them for help. Susie gets me a key. But I still cannot escape. We try to crawl through some branches that are shaped in a tunnel.

Susie gives me a big wad of gum. Then she takes a go-cart and leaves.

I talk to my mother. She’s my mother in the family but she is not my real mother. She is smoking a cigarette and looking skeptical.

She sets me free.

Conformist.

Robyn Hitchcock, I Often Dream of Trains, 1984

I am asked to review samples of the clothing line on racks. The clothes are both urban/street wear and girly at the same time. I look at a pinafore styled dress, and at a pair of sandals that are pink and green and seem to be made out of rubber.

I really like some of the clothing and I ask my client if I can buy some of it it. She says I have to call in the order.
We go over to a phone bank that is made up of old rotary dial phones. They are all black phones, some are from the 40s like the phone that was in the sewing room when I was a child, and some are newer but still black rotary phones.

I’m nervous after I place the order that the clothes will be very expensive. They do wind up to be more than $200.

At the client location there is a rally for the Reverend Al Sharpton to be president. My client attacks him and tries to strangle him with a telephone cord.

I am nervous about biking through the city and especially about riding in traffic. But after a while I get the hang of it and am able to get through the traffic. It’s a beautiful fall day and it is exhilarating to move so quickly down the streets on my own power.

I meet Vincent for lunch at a little cafe. I encourage him to eat something but he seems uneasy, like he needs to get out of there. He says he has to get back to his kids.

She throws a party at a bar. She sends an old-fashioned paper invitation in the mail.

She has blonde hair, fair skin, and wears bright red lipstick. She sits on a barstool in the middle of the floor.

Attention needs to resume on the freezing point of water in beverages.

I give her Google searches on the subject.

We’re supposed to move, pick up and out of the bar.

I leave the restaurant and walk through a series of hallways until I get to a large room that seems to be part of a research center. I find myself on top of a mountain made of office supplies, like file folders and paper products. I try to get down the mountain but I wind up on a ledge made of folders and I can’t get off. I lose my shoes along the way. I have to ask a man working there for help getting out of my predicament, and he just comes over and plucks me off. My handbag is left behind.

It turns out that I have been a victim of identity theft and credit cards have been opened in my name. Jai has opened an American Express account and has put several hundred thousand dollars of charges on it. He’s done this with his new boyfriend. I’m furious, absolutely filled with rage that he would do this to me. I scream at him but he doesn’t seem to care.

Someone at the research institution has also opened a credit card in my name and has put some charges on it. I cancel the cards and get Amex to reverse the charges, which apparently causes some problems for the researchers. They come and accuse me of messing up their plans, which seems ironic and backwards to me.

Liz is donating some used sweaters, and I try some of them on.

I go to see Steve Jobs speak at a restaurant and bar. Everyone is excited to hear him and solicitous when he arrives. But the man speaking obviously isn’t Steve Jobs, he looks like a blow-dried marketing executive and he isn’t wearing a black turtleneck and blue jeans.

I’m looking at racks of clothing and I try on a denim skirt. The skirt is in a large size and it’s all ripped and frayed around the bottom, and it has some decorations on the front. It’s really not my style. But I tell the woman I’m with that I plan to buy it and she says it’s cute.

The family reunion is taking place in a conference center and I walk down a number of hallways to find it. My uncle Fred says he saw my mother downtown recently and she had a booger on her shirt. Fred and Eleanor seem to believe that it came from my father, as he was prodigious in this department.

I go to the hotel (on the bicycle) and sit down to write a letter. I want to write a letter to Hopkins High School asking for some help with an environmental issue in Russia. I hope that they will read the letter and remember me. I choose a piece of hotel stationery and start to write, but I don’t get very far before realizing that I should type the letter instead of handwriting it. I go to take another sheet of stationery and I realize that all the pages are different. Some are at least 50 years old, and some are brightly colored, like origami papers. I choose the most professional looking paper and feed it into an ancient manual typewriter.

I visit Africa to see how my donations to Kiva.org are being used. I’m walking through the airport and trying to figure out where I’m supposed to go. I have a folder of information about the donations that use charts and graphs. I show the folder to Scott and he makes fun of it, saying something like "well, I can tell from these charts that there’s money involved." I tell him that makes me feel bad, because the work I’m trying to do in Africa is important to me. I am treated very well by all the people I talk to.

I go to look for my office and there are 2 or 3 other women in there. One of them is sitting on a twin-sized bed. I ask her if this is where she is staying and she says she had planned on it. I walk around and look at the other offices and most of them have been converted into bedrooms, some housing multiple people. I try to explain that most people have their own apartments they live in, and the office is just for working.

I go into the new kitchen but it’s terrible. None of the glasses match and there is nothing to eat or drink. I can’t find my water bottle, so I take a bottle of raspberry-flavored Diet Coke out of the refrigerator. This seems horrible to drink but I am thirsty and there’s nothing else.

I am stunned by how many people are working at Bond. There must be 40 or 50 people in the lunchroom, most of whom I have never seen before. I can’t find Evan or Josh to ask who all the people are. I talk to a middle-aged man who I think is the new CFO. He says that they have already released a handful of contractors who weren’t needed, but I am still concerned that we have too many people. It seems like most of them are HR or Finance.

I stand up on one of the lunch tables to  say a few words to everyone. As I am standing the table starts to move and I fall down and start laughing. I stand back up and warn everyone that the table is unsteady. I fall down a couple more times as I’m speaking.

I listen to a number of the speeches but I don’t think they’re very good. I see some colleagues there. One woman wins the award for best presentation at the end of the conference. She has recently had six children and is carrying them around in a bag. I’m impressed that she can manage her family and professional life so well.

I congratulate her on winning the award, but as we’re talking I also happen to say that I did not think the conference was very good this year and the speeches were weaker than I’d seen in years past. I realize belatedly that might come off as insulting to her, and I stumble over my words as I try to backtrack on what I just said.

I’m visiting my childhood skating rink. I walk down to the end of Prescott Drive and realize how close it is. The layout of the rink has expanded and the hockey rink is gone. There isn’t any water in the pond and the skating rink area seems to extend all the way up toward the school. I see animals roaming around and some are threatening — there’s a squirrel and a wolf that I’m afraid of. The wolf comes after me.

Someone has bought the land that the skating rink is on and is building a house there. The new house will appear in Cool Hunting. I go back to the office and I read something in CH about the design of the house.

My father stole a car. He’s driving an old 1940s Ford. We’re driving along the edge of an embankment trying to jump the car over to a bridge on the other side. We almost miss but pull up just in time.

Alex if you really love me then turn your head to the side you’re getting away.

I’m staying on the same floor as Robert Scoble and Kathy Sierra.

Simon keeps biting my fingers.

Fighting with my mother about fabric. Yelling at her that everything is always her point of view, like it’s a bubble around her head she can’t see past.

Elderly family members  dying.

The line to get into a restaurant is very long but my group somehow lies to the hostess and she is very accommodating. She tries to get us a table. I feel guilty that we lied to her to get preferential treatment.

Jai’s jinx turns out to be dangerous. He has a way to transmit it to me by giving me a hug, like he’s some kind of jinx vampire. As he’s hugging me I can feel it attacking me and I’m scared because I know it’s too late to do anything about it.

I have a smoothie maker. I mix up a chocolate shake and it overflows the machine and gets all over the counter.

Jai has a baby, he is pregnant and the baby is due in December, around Christmas. He makes Helen the godmother. I’m jealous. I think neither of them knows how to raise a baby.

In Virginia the hotel is under new management. I don’t recommend it. The new managers are jerks and not inviting to customers. I stay there but I’m angry about it.

I hide in the hotel room in the closet, but I get caught.

I want to buy a Diet Coke. Despite the fact that there are lots of stacks of Diet Coke everywhere I can’t seem to buy one. I don’t have the proper coupon and they’re not cold.

I’m driving with a woman and Jonathan. Jonathan is talking about his new girlfriend. I’m very angry and I tell him I don’t need to hear about her.

I describe something called "Minder Living."

I take his documents and start cutting the edges in a paper cutter.

I go with him to his apartment. It’s on the outskirts of town (aka the Upper West Side.)

I get there and I can see his apartment like it’s an architectural
drawing, or a floor plan like the Sims or a dollhouse, an omniscient
view. The look of it is very modern.

His (ex) girlfriend still lives there, it turns out they used to
live together. She has moved all her stuff into another part of the
apartment, but they are still living together. He tries to tell me that
it’s okay and I should just ignore her, but this situation is obviously
stupid. He comes off as sounding like an asshole and I realize I was
right to be suspicious of him.

I leave and plan to take the subway home. As I am walking I realize
I have lost my white coat, but then I realize I have lost my green
backpack, but then it turns out that only my wallet and keys are
missing from the backpack. I have no money and no way to contact anyone
because my cell phone is gone too, so I have no way to get home. Then I
realize that I have the metrocard I just used and I should be able to
get back on the train.

The subway station is sort of like a mall. The main corridor ends at
an elevator and there is a sign like a mall directory that explains
where to go. I am trying to take the 1 train back downtown to my
office. I am reading the sign and trying to figure out why it says I
have to take the L or the G to connect to the 1, when I know the 1
should just go directly from the UWS.

I’m bored and decide to watch a movie. In the movie a young man gets trapped in his lover’s room by her husband. The husband is going to kill him. There’s a chase scene with music that I can hear quite vividly. The husband gets a horse, but there is a trick door and the lover is saved.

I’m in a department store looking for a gift for my grandmother. I get a call from Caitlin but she says she’s not available. I don’t mention the fact that I’m not available either. I am buying an engraved necklace for myself and I run into Caitlin, but I call her Megan by mistake. She is annoyed that I did not call. I tell her I’m going out of town. I decide to pick up the necklace later.

Jane’s husband is cheating on her, and I think to myself "at least they don’t have kids." He leaves for eight weeks to go on a "job hunt" that I think is suspicious.

I stop to look through a sale rack of cheap formalwear. The dresses are all ugly.

I see a posterboard with a sign talking about a homemaker in Minneapolis that killed herself very young but her family did not understand.

I can’t find my way back to the room where Kevin is. Kevin is condescending and dismissive. So I just walk the hallways with my iPod.

I keep checking back and finally find a trove of items that I like. They have a whole series of skirts and dresses that are embroidered silk in bright jewel tones.

Zachary sends me a message at the store or tells the store something about me.

I get pregnant but I decide I’m not going to keep the baby and I’m not going to tell him about it. But the next time I see him he knows something is up. He gets me to admit that I’m pregnant and insists that we should have the child.

He flirts with another girl in my presence. I sit there and watch and I’m upset about it but I don’t let on.

I go and hang a large poster across the street from the coffee shop. A man passes by and jeers at me while I am trying to get it straight.